Girls Aloud and The Saturdays ( Who comes up with these crass names?). The Saturdays. The Saturdays. Horrendous. Forgive me if I can’t locate any discernible difference  between these two girl groups. Lets see.. they both sing shite songs, both wear hideous drag make-up and hair extensions, and both twit around in their videos exclaiming things like ooh and aah and doing that annoying over-the-shoulder-oh-tee-hee business. To think that many, many little girls (and slightly dim women) look up to these twats makes a little bit of sick in my mouth. They are so boring, every time I see them on my television screen I have to hurriedly press any button on the remote before a portion of my brain dies. They just try so hard to be sexy and alluring, that it just falls flat and they end up oozing the sex appeal of a squashed banana. When did it become necessary for females to wear so much slap? I assumed the whole idea of painting your face was to enhance your best features and conceal blemishes, not construct a wall of (often ill-matched) skin coloured cement with associated goop for eyes and lips.

Marlene Dietrich is dead and she still manages to outdo them in class and style.