Trevor Sargent has taken his medicine and stepped down. But I’m confident he has the strength and motivation to rise above his mistake and show everyone just how valuable he is: NOT VERY.

Trevor Sargent Yesterday

It will be harder for Willie O’Dea, a modern day moustachioed Steerpike, to regain the public’s trust. Perhaps Big Willie should call on Bill Cullen, who is an expert in lifting oneself out of excrement. The other night on The Frontline, Bill looked like he was sitting in his own excrement. I think he got so worked up in his anger at lazy youngsters that he shat himself. By the end of the show, Bill had turned that shitty trousers into €125,000 by carrying out a little wheelin’ and dealin’.

Then off for a few scoops, offering these words of wisdom after fifty one pints of Guinness: “Bejaysus isn’t it terrible de way de youngsters are in bed all day textin and twitterin on the internets. De only way forward is to roll up de sleeves and get down to some serious graft like we did in de forties and de fifties. Me whole family died young but it was the way tings were, it made men of us, dat’s de truth. Me grandfather worked forty hours a day down de docks cleanin shite out of toilets for nothing but a crust of bread and sure wasn’t he glad to have it. He couldn’t feed de kids, and three of them died of T.B. but weren’t dey happy in deyr own way Lord rest us and save us. What we need is a famine to make de youngsters appreciate de good times by bein back in de bad times, so I tells ye, ye bunch of bastards. Yer me fuckin best mate.”