Johnny Logan was on the Late Late Eurosong Craporama last night, sounding as mentally unstable as ever. According to Johnny, RTÉ are trying to ruin his life by not treating him like the spectacular talent that he is, and also by stealing his thoughts. Johnny sounds like Alan Partridge with his “needless to say, I had the last laugh” anecdotes. Of course Johnny hasn’t stopped to wonder why, if RTÉ hate him so much, have they had him on their chatshows twice in the space of a month? Why is he invited onto our screens almost every year for a stroll down memory lane? With the fawning guff that protrudes every time he makes an appearance, you would swear he came up with the cure for AIDS or something.
I get the feeling that Johnny throws his toys out of the pram because he realises that Ireland doesn’t take him seriously. He sees himself as some sort of Irish Dalai Lama, spreading cheesy goodwill across Europe. Irish people just see him as some embarassing reminder of the eighties, an embarassing reminder you wouldn’t necessarily want in your house.
Johnny loves Ireland, but mainly for the shitty weather. He loves a bit of rain and sometimes wishes that it would rain even more, as evidenced by his song “I Wish It Would Rain”:
See the rain falling down
While thunder and lightning rage
I cry out loudI wish it would rain
Let the world share my sorrow
I wish it would rain
Night and dayAll my rainbows are grey
Got no love that I could borrow
I wish it would rain
Another day
A strange man he is. Bad weather makes him cry, but he wants more of it. Fucking masochist. He must have been over the moon at the recent floods in Cork.
Johnny enjoying the weather in Cork
I often hear people say that Johnny is a big star in Europe, despite the fact that he is the equivalent of a washed-up showband star over here. I call bullshit on this. It’s only his word we have to go on when it comes to how well-known he is around Europe. Nobody ever seemed to check this out, so I decided to.
I took the initiative and did a bit of digging. After I had finished in the garden, I went online and investigated Johnny’s so called European fame. I left some notices on bulletin boards asking for further information on the man’s activities in Europe. Lo and behold, the next day I received an email from a guy in Eindhoven who informed me that Johnny Logan IS well known across the continent, but not for being a singer. Allegedly, Mister Logan has been arrested eighty-seven times for masturbating on trams. Not only that, but Logan is notorious across Holland and Germany for dining and dashing, i.e. eating meals in fancy restaurants and then scarpering without paying the bill.
I dropped an email to Johnny to give him a chance to rebut these claims, but I didn’t receive a reply. I think his silence speaks volumes.
Old Johnny was at his “I LOVE MYSELF” best last nite alrite. Crappy show generally I thought. Not sure about Niamh Kavanagh’s second coming either…Didn’t someone tell her that “Titanic” was by now old hat! .And what did she look like?…Shrek just after comin from a traveller funeral! (jaysus That Dress!)
They were full of shite last night, gushing about Ireland’s chances. Europeans won’t care about her or that bland song.
Hey BMD,
Great post, as usual.
I watched about 10 minutes of that show, while channel-flicking the other night. That’s as much I can watch of Dana without vomitting, same goes for her appearances on the ‘Ireland Clearly has Absolutely no Talent’ show.
Johnny Logan was very popular in Turkey in the 80s/90s, it seems (for certain reasons). I was waiting for Dana to berate him about his sexual inclinations (won’t say any more on that for risk of libel).
The whole show was fairly shambolic and very badly produced from what I could tell.
Niamh Kavanagh’s skirt/dress was the most interesting thing on the night. She looked like a PlayTV presenter in her zeppelin-like, huge-hipped, Jean Butler look. Is this just a TV thing, cos I don’t see any females dressing like that in real life? Let’s see what folks are wearing at the Oscars tonight – perhaps this look will take on!
Anyway, could have been worse. Jedward could have entered the competition, and no doubt would have won.
Damn those libel laws, I sure would like to read more about Johnny’s sex life.
It is so sad to read all those bullshit you are writing. I can guarantee you that Johnny Logan is VERY popular in Europe. I wouldn’t say ANY country, but he is very hot in Denmark, Norway, Sweden, Germany, Belgium and Holland. I am living in Belgium and went to a lot of concerts in Belgium, Holland, Germany and even Denmark. The last three albums went gold in only a few days. Most of his concerts are sold out very quickly. Start writing again if you know what you are talking about!!!!
I can’t believe I’ve drawn the attention of a ticked-off European with no sense of humour and woeful taste in music. Let me guess, you also like Phil Collins, David Hasselhoff and Chris de Burgh? I think I’d rather enter a concentration camp than sit through two minutes of one of those gold albums.
My goodness BMD,
Kristel seems well p*ssed off with you. She/He is probably on the Ryanair as we speak, trying to track you down, for a cat-fight, or to boil your bunny, if you possess one.
I love the remark “I…went to a lot of concerts in Belgium, Holland, Germany and even Denmark”. It’s almost like saying “I have seen ‘such and such’ a band everywhere – even Finglas”. Such dedication!
Would not be surprised if Kristel is Johnny’s alter-ego.
It seems you have drawn the ire of Logans biggest fan. That is after all what the internet is there for, kind of like what happens on my blog with bono fans.
On Logan: http://atoast2toast.com/2010/03/09/whats-another-year-2/
That’s great, I like the way these foaming-mouth fans always seem to ferret out anything being said about their heroes. I think a lot of them have Google Alerts set up for their idol’s name, and are informed instantly whenever people badmouth them. Then it’s pitchforks at the ready.