The New Cabinet

Brian Cowen - Taoiseach

Mary Coughlan – Minister for Ineptitude and Destroying Children’s Futures

Brian Lenihan – Minister for Dropping In Every So Often to Let Everyone See That He Is Okay

Tony Killeen – Minister for Fuck Knows Where He Came From But What Are The Odds That We’ll Despise Him Within a Month

Mary Harney – Minister for Scoffing French Fancies and Drinking Scandalous Amounts*

Noel Dempsey – Minister for Hoping It Doesn’t Snow Again

Dermot Ahern – Minister for Blasphemy Reform and Ignoring the Gay Community

Micheál Martin – Minister for Slowly Thinning Hair and Being Afraid of Israel

Pat Carey – Minister for being a Media Whore

Éamon Ó Cuív – Minister for Taking Money From The Poor and Having a Rubber Face

Mary Hanafin – Minister for GAA, Guinness and Coaxing Patronising Americans over To Walk Around in Shorts and Sandals Dirtying Up Inchydoney in July

John Gormley – Minister for Selling Your Soul For Cash

Eamon Ryan – Minister for Being Hopelessly Perplexed and Reminding you of Frank Spencer While Delivering Dial-up Internet to the Sticks

Brendan Smith – Minister for Tractors, Driving Around With Twenty Dogs in The Car and Wellingtons Caked in Shit

Batt O’Keeffe – Minister for Photo Ops Outside Crappy Businesses and Having a Big Fat Head

Turfed Out:

Martin Cullen – Minister for Being Raped Every Day
Willie O’Dea – Minister for the Sunday Independent and 1970s Pornstars
Trevor Sargent – Minister for Interfering

* of tea.