Big Mental Disease

The never-ending stream of depressing news continues this morning with the revelation that politicians in the UK are being harassed to within an inch of their lives by the media and the general public. The corridors of power are empty; politicians are barricading themselves in underground bunkers until the witch-hunt ceases and they can get on with their lives without fear of being burnt at the stake.

The campaign to expose MPs’ Commons expense claims has become so personal that it has started to resemble a McCarthy-style witchhunt, a Tory backbencher said today.

Nadine Dorries, the member for Mid-Bedfordshire, also warned that the relentless drip-drip of leaked claims was creating such an atmosphere of terror that there was a real risk of an MP committing suicide.

Times

Is this really the kind of society we live in? An upstanding servant of the people is made to fear for his or her life, all because of a small bit of theft, theft that absolutely everyone is committing anyway? These men and women of honour should be given knighthoods, such was their bravery and determination. They were consistent in their championing of the traditional British standards of excellency. They took it upon themselves to maintain this excellency: in building the best types of extensions to their houses; in purchasing the most splendid water-fountains for their gardens; in importing the shiniest and grandest Fabergé Eggs in the world. Everyone should just leave them alone. They have been punished enough.

Lord Beanparcel, 82, MP for South-Bromley, was furious yesterday at media intrusion into his daughter’s wedding. It was reported that the £190,000 wedding, in the lush gardens of Bromley Cottage, was being claimed on Beanparcel’s medical expenses account. Beanparcel was heard  to remark that English journalists were ‘vicious knaves’ and that ‘I should give  seven of the best from my good blackwood cane across their buttocks to cure such sauciness!’ Beanparcel has ignored calls to resign and vows to run for South Bromley again in the future.

In the interests of transparency, I have decided to publish the details of my own expenses for last month.

Hosting – €6.00

Transport – €81.00

Newspapers – €119.50

Legal Fees – €512.00

Sandwiches – €2,510.25

You would do well to remember that my cooker and microwave are both on the blink, so I feel that this is an adequate explanation for the amount spent on sandwiches. Of course, the record will show that my opinion has ALWAYS BEEN that the sandwich culture in this country must end. What’s important is that we don’t lose sight of the bigger picture here. At the end of the day, I will be judged by my results.

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