News Roundup

I’m trying to think of some new features to do these days. I’ve decided to do a hilarious round up of the weekend’s news! I like to put my own wacky spin on the latest happenings.

I read in the Indo today that the former boss of the ESB, Padraig McManus is getting a severance package worth up to €800,000, as well as being entitled to cut-price electricity. Well to tell you the truth, when I read this story, I got an awful shock!

Also in the Indo, a truck driver sacked for pulling over on the hard shoulder to take a call from motormouth shock jock Gerry Ryan has admitted that he has since prayed to the late Gerry to get his job back! Well, he got the sack for high-jinks on the hard shoulder, but one thing is clear: he certainly got a shoulder in the end! A shoulder out the door! And it was probably a good hard shoulder! I bet he is getting the cold shoulder from his wife for losing his job. And I can’t help wondering whether Gerry Ryan will hear your man’s prayers, I don’t think the Ryan Line is open anymore! Not since he died. Or maybe Gerry will hear the prayers, but just ignore them, as he doesn’t give a truck!

Some lad called Ger Troy was stabbed to death in Limerick lately. I’m not surprised it happened in Limerick, it is called Stab City after all! As for the poor victim, it appears that he Troy-ed his best to stay living, but in the end the injuries were too severe! A man named Sean Flanagan has been in front of Limerick District Court charged with the murder. Well I hope Sean isn’t a keen baker, because if he is found guilty and put in prison, you can bet your bottom dollar he won’t be making a Flan-again any time soon!

That’s all I have read so far. You know what I haven’t eaten in a good while? A Bounty bar. I mean the normal one, not the dark chocolate version.