Tubridy: The Missing Link
So Ryan Tubridy has put himself in the frame to be the new presenter of irrelevant, Tesco-value discussion show “The Late Late Show.” He is now the favourite to take over the hotseat from wooden country gentleman Pat Kenny, who is leaving in eight weeks time to return to his home planet, MANBREASTULA, where it is mating season and he is required to impregnate 17 million blobs of magnificent faeces. I am no fan of Tubridy, given that he is a mentally retarded, asinine mysogynist with the noticeable wit of a squashed banana. He has a habit of banging his deformed claw-hands on the table repeatedly during the ridiculous crap-fest show he presents, Tubridy Tonight, usually while interviewing some other cretin from RTÉ who is falsely lauded as a celebrity. The worryingly popular scarecrow once indicated in an interview that Irish female sports stars were butch and ugly and unfanciable. I wonder if the man appreciates that he himself is quite possibly the most hideous man to appear on television in recent years. The irony of him judging anyone else’s appearance is very great; perhaps one day he will wake up and realise that most women in Ireland (who don’t find money attractive) wouldn’t touch him with a used tampon.
It worries me that his head will now be on our screens even more, causing horrific nightmares up and down the land to young and old. If you look closely at Tubridy’s head you might notice that it is actually a scrotum stretched over a tennis ball, with bushy eyebrows and a terrifying mouth. Tubridy has become in recent years the poster-boy for the Irish Problem, namely that we are all inbred, hunchback simpletons with withered genitalia who desperately require foreigners to come and increase our gene pool, so that for once we may copulate with someone who is not related and therefore increase our chances of making a healthy baby that doesn’t die at the age of twenty-seven from eyebrow-cancer. Anyway, all the best to Ryan in his new endeavours!
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