5 TRAGIC EVENTS THAT ARE SLIGHTLY LESS TRAGIC IF YOU ADD BILL COSBY
September 11th:
Bill Cosby should have been at Ground Zero on the day, shooting shaky digital footage of the panicked flight through the streets, perhaps stopping every once in a while to tell a joke or perform a little monologue about his schooldays. If you were one of the people fleeing, you would automatically be reassured once you saw Bill, as you would think ‘well, Bill’s okay so at least that’s something.’ All media footage of the planes hitting the towers should have had Bill digitally imposed so as to put things in perspective. Sure, a lot of people died. But we still have laughter. Are we not men? “Lads, it’s not that bad.”
The Holocaust:
When they were rounding up the Jews to take away, the Nazis could have brought Bill along to calm some of the hysterical people down. When Bill talks, it’s impossible not to listen. His sage, relaxing tones would have made the whole process swifter. Or perhaps in the Concentration Camps themselves, have Bill as a guard. He could help to dole out the gruel to prisoners, occasionally offering comforting words such as “this place will be shut down eventually.” Then sitting everyone down afterwards to watch him do a number on the harmonica.
Assassination of Martin Luther King:
Cosby appears on the balcony after the murder to the gathering crowds, assuring them that one day he WOULD have his own popular prime time television show. And to tell them ‘go on home folks, you’ll catch your death’.
Attack on Pearl Harbor
Have Bill circle overhead, perhaps doing some loop the loops and spelling out the word AMERICA in the sky.
The Crucifixion of Mister Jesus Christ:
If Bill were one of the thieves on the cross beside Jesus, the whole event would have been a small bit more comfortable for everyone involved. Jesus could ask Bill for a few words of wisdom about the attitudes of youngsters today. Bill could learn about Jesus’s gay lifestyle and gain a little more tolerance. They might also have a chat about The Cosby Mysteries, how it was destined to come into being in two thousand years time, and then disappear again after one season, despite showing tremendous potential. Then they would both take one final sigh and ascend into paradise. On motorbikes.
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Your photo-shop abilities are astounding. And as for the male-female thing on that other crazy-nazi-anti-abortion post, it makes sense! Finally found the solution to that little puzzle.
I hope you’re being sarcastic, Feist, as said photoshop abilities are non-existent. Apart from perhaps a few basic pasting of heads at the wrong sizes. I find bad photoshopping quite amusing. Here’s some good photoshopping:
http://www.worth1000.com/galleries.asp?display=photoshop
There’s a subtle clue on the about page: the pair of editors being represented by a lady and a freakishly sophisticated hippo
Wow, they’re amazing! You can take that first comment as sarcasm now alright.
That second picture had me laughing, Cosby is the man.
Actually, I’d like to do a u-turn. I’m clearly a photoshop wizard!
Hurrah! I love old Bill, he’s a gent.
You complete me. No sexually, but rather in the same way that anal
retentive people complete an office break room. Who else will care enough to complain about the coffee being too cold, or that the hazelnut cream doesn’t really taste like hazelnut, or that the sugar dispenser is attracting ants, or that the copy machine is on the fritz…because its filled with ants…because someone spilled fucking sugar in the copy room…WHY WERE YOU FUCKING USING SUGAR IN THE COPY ROOM, JARED? WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU, DUMBASS! YOU’RE ONLY HERE BECAUSE YOUR FATHER-IN-LAW is a famous Swedish magician and he performs for FREE at the company pick-nick. THanks, Jared. Sorry about the whole sugar thing. But seriously, no sugar in the copy room. That’s just irresponsible.
Bill Cosby was having a coffee some time back in 1975, when he realised he didn’t have any sugar close to hand. So he did what any normal man would do and took a huge, disgusting shit in the coffee. Let that be a lesson to the rest of you nuts.
I was wondering why the coffee had a slightly nutty flavor.
This is STILL a Big Mental Disease Classic. You should repost it on it’s 1-year-anniversary. Or on the anniversary of any of the listed disasters. Or just because it’s awesome.