I wasn’t quite sure how to feel about paedophiles before watching Prime Time Investigates: Crimes Against Children the other night. Well, I thought they were basically a good bunch of lads. Thankfully, this programme’s use of menacing, ambient music throughout has set me straight. Now I know that they are bad.
I never imagined that child pornography was a bad thing, until I watched some pink-headed American guy explaining that it was.
Also, I never knew how they were managing to swap all these child abuse images, but Prime Time were on hand with some helpful diagrams.
It seems two paedos can hook up through their computers and send things to each other. Not only that, but hundreds of thousands of paedo-computers across the globe are linked up together; it’s almost like some sort of web. Or net! Fascinating.
Plus, if there was any doubt that audiences were highly disturbed, they got to see this computer-generated girl the folks in RTÉ created to use in their attempt to bait a paedo. Sweet Jesus, it’s like looking into the eyes of Satan.
Then to finish, they scrolled a list of all the locations in Ireland where people accessed child pornography images during the monitored period:
- Ashbourne
- Athboy
- Athlone
- Athy
- Baileborough
- Balla
- Ballina
- Ballinasloe
- Ballinrobe
- Ballivor
- Ballybofey
- Ballyfermot
- Ballyhaunis
- Ballyjamesduff
- Ballymahon
- Borrisokane
- Bray
- Cahir
- Carlow
- Clonmel
- Castlebar
- Castlepollard
- Cavan
- Celbridge
- Clane
- Clare county
- Claremorris
- Clondalkin
- Clonmel
- Clonsilla
- Cork
- Donegal
- Drogheda
- Dublin City and County
- Dundalk
- Dunlavin
- Ennis
- Ennistymon
- Fermoy
- Finglas
- Galway
- Glenamaddy
- Greystones
- Kells
- Kildalkey
- Kildare
- Kilkenny
- Killarney
- Kingscourt
- Kinnegad
- Letterkenny
- Limerick
- Longford
- Longwood
- Lucan
- Malahide
- Mallow
- Maynooth
- Mayo
- Midleton
- Moate
- Monasterevan
- Mountmellick
- Mullingar
- Naas
- Naul
- Navan
- Nenagh
- Newbridge, Co. Limerick
- Newcastle
- Oldcastle
- Portarlington
- Raheny
- Rathmines
- Roscommon
- Roscrea
- Sligo
- Summerhill
- Tallaght
- Tipperary
- Tralee
- Tuam
- Tullamore
- Waterford
- Westport
- Wexford
- Wicklow
Barralish and and Drumcroosc are not on that roll of dishonour. I allus knew they were the assend of nowhere. Bomb them to smithereens for their asinine mediocrity and prim innocence. Mullingar has been suspected as a possible discreet venue for weekend wifeswapping parties, but revelations about internet pedophile image downloading makes it the pits. Sharia laws are called for. Write to constituency TDs.
I thought the program nothing but an excuse to bash BitTorrent. Rather than just say people shared child pornography over the peer-to-peer network, they had to mention that people also illicitly share movies and music over it too. Surprised they didn’t mention Al-Qaeda sharing plans for world domination while they were at it!
I think the program has shown us the way for solving the paedophile problem though: CGI children! Imagine what James Cameron could do with his “Avatar Technology” if he put his hand to virtual kiddie smut. And at the end of the films credits, along with the “No dogs or gold fish harmed in the making of this film”: “No children harmed or fondled in this production”. A child need never be harmed again! The world now seems a brighter place.
No Portlaoise on the list…
Eadestown and Knocktopher as usual remain well below the radar. It’s awful to come from a nowhere nonevent place. They should fake a moving statue or virgin tree stump if they want the media circus to descend.