The Sun has completed a very informative, scientific study of the world’s sex habits. Look at this picture. I love how I had to take a screenshot to get it, because of the copyright protection of News Group Newspapers Ltd and/or its licensors. I can see why they’re so protective; it’s a map of the world with some breasts pasted onto it. Such a special picture is surely going to make Rupert Murdoch millions more.
Marvellous. Britain has the biggest boobs, apparently. Why then is there a picture of two enormous fake tits hovering over Britain? Biggest or fakest, which is it? Brazil has the longest romps, while Japan has the record for biggest orgies. In the world of the Sun, people from Brazil and Japan look exactly the same as people from Grimsby.
Here, Rhian Sanville takes a flick through the global sex atlas and picks out some of the hottest facts ever.
Okay, this should be fun.
Ooh I wouldn’t be too sauer if this Kraut turned up in my bed with his huge sausage!
Germany
Germany is the country with the world’s worst lovers as revealed by OnePoll.com survey taken by women from 20 different countries – the reason they gave was that they were ‘too smelly’.
CHORTLE. I guess they smell of Sauerbraten, beer and world domination, tee hee hee LOL.
At an average of 10 minutes, sex in Thailand is believed to last the shortest amount of time in the world.
Hmmm… I wonder why Thailand has a reputation for quick, unfulfilling sex?
Australia
Australian breasts are blooming lovely, with over 40 per cent of Australian women now buying bras with a cup size of DD or higher – some bra companies have introduced cup sizes as high as K to accommodate the busty Aussie girls.
This was interesting news, and luckily pominoz was on hand in the comments section to offer his expert opinion:
Pominoz
The reason the Aussie girls breast size is going up is cos there the fattest in the world. Now higher obesity than USA. Maccas & KFC is cheap here and is packed out at 10am on a Sunday morning. The blokes are more into sport so not too bad. But the girls, ****, they only play Netball and half of them are Heffers!
That’s that cleared up then.
France
A Marie Claire survey found that 41 per cent of French people have participated in an orgy and 27 per cent have engaged in partner swapping. It is also believed that the French give and receive the most fellatio.
And I thought the French were renowned for their cheeky handjobs.
Jesus, I’m starting to think that this sex survey isn’t as authoritative as I had first thought.
Japan
With a total of 500 people taking part, Japan has successfully set the world record for world’s largest orgy.
Have they ever taken a walk through Temple Bar on a Saturday night in June?
Tel Aviv, Israel
This city is known as the ‘brothel capital of the world’, with an estimated 250 knocking shops.
Israelis like to retire to a knocking shop at night, after a hard day knocking shops, homes and anything or anyone else they can swing a wrecking ball at.
Hmm Didn’t realise Japanese women looked so Western! This almost beats the geographical masterpiece that was The Suns guide to the worlds sexiest politicians.
You really got to feel sorry for The Sun Journalists who really are missing out considering they think great sex=big,fake platic tits.
Also, as a former Netball player I am highly insulted that Austrian girls ‘only’ play Netball. Its a fantastic sport of immense skill,talent and fitness. Pity it gets no recognition in Murdochs soccer and sex obsessed sun.
It really is the biggest pile of shite, they don’t even put any effort into their features. I can’t believe that someone gets paid to come up with that scutter. The tossers that comment on the articles should be gassed for the good of mankind.