Roaming around Eason’s and scouring the shelves for some decent magazines is pretty hard when you are female, and aren’t interested in reading about idiotic celebrities, fashion, weddings and having babies. I looked up at the rows and rows of shelves that constitute the “womens interest” and thought, what a load of bilge. Nearly all the magazines had either a faceless model in some bored pose or some trussed up, female celebrity.
Why would I want to spend eight euro to read a few hundred advertisements for face creams and Spanx underwear? At least in the so called “mens interest” , apart from the usual titties rubbish, they have some decent music and current affairs magazines.
Another thing I noticed is the sheer amount of new books being sold, written by women who have nothing better to do. I’d really like to know why dull Irish female celebrities are writing so many books. Is it some sort of requirement, that once you are known by a few hundred people you have to write one? The titles make my eyes cry. Champagne Babes by Amanda Brunker, Heartbreak Hotel by Amy Huberman, Mr Whippy by Cecilia Ahern. I would like to know who reads these books and why? How can they possibly add anything to your day. It’s like reading a script of Hollyoaks, and who would do that, voluntarily?
I was half thinking if my illustrious career doesn’t kick off in the next few years perhaps I too could tread the waters of chick lit. I’m sure there isn’t much to it anyway. Start off with a horny/lonely/insecure female protagonist that is in love with a nondescript, boorish man, then use the next two hundred pages to unfurl various scenes of romance, heartbreak and indecision. Call it something like ” He loves me not“. For the cover, a woman in a car with a bottle of wine and a dozen wilted roses on the back seat would probably suffice. Unfortunately I don’t think that I could live with that sort of thing being attributed to my name. It would have to be under a pseudonym, and I would need a standby for any photographic occasions. That way I could get the money, save my reputation and hold on to my dignity.
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