People are strange. The world of sex toys is a hilarious and sometimes disturbing one. Thanks to the internet, moms and dads all over the world can discretely buy their huge rubber vaginas and penises at the click of a mouse.
Here are some examples of the ‘realistic’ fake vaginas on offer over at lovehoney.co.uk.
http:///bigmentaldisease.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/fake-vagina.flv
This first one is amusing. It seems to be modelled on a strange type of woman whose body stops at the buttocks.
That arsehole doesn’t look too realistic. Looks like a worm bored its way in. How would one fit a penis in there? One of the users had this to say: “Some of the other reviews go on about the ass hole being to tight … not true at all.” Interesting that this review was posted by Jeremy Kyle. Jeremy must know a lot about arseholes, being one himself.
We also have a helpful tip here from Jeremy under the ‘Cons’ heading. These fake vaginas are awesome, but be prepared to come back down to earth pretty quickly after ejaculation, as you realise you have to spend an hour cleaning congealed semen from the rubbery depths with a baby wipe.
This one is even freakier. Like someone just sliced off a woman’s arse.
http:///bigmentaldisease.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/fake-vagina-2.flv
The Lovely Sapphire Full Size Realistic Japanese Vibrating Pussy & Ass is particularly disgusting. It resembles some kind of diseased organ, straight out of a pathology lab.
It comes in a delightful manga art carry case, to further compound the customer’s deep shame and regret by making him feel like a paedophile. Why the hell would you be carrying the thing around? And if you were carrying it somewhere, why would you draw attention to it?!
-”What’s in the suitcase John, is it one of those Lovely Sapphire Full Size Realistic Japanese Vibrating Pussy & Ass things?”
-”No Mike, it’s just my child porn.”
Speaking of paedophiles, here’s one that looks like a baby’s vagina. Each to their own, I suppose.
There’s a huge market for this one. It’s the Mary Harney CyberSkin Pussy.
And finally, for the ladies, here’s Peter North’s vibrating and ejaculating dildo, a lifesize replica of his own monstrous mickey.
Might make a fun washing up liquid dispenser. Or put some salad dressing in it and liven up your lunchtimes.
{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }
good sir, you have soiled my brain.
With sexy results!
What can you make if you raid a sex shop, a clothes shop, and a DIY store? Why, a new and “healthier!” relationship of course! http://www.homemade-sex-toys.com/sexdoll/ So much fun, get the ex-wife’s family involved to help! And not a sign of black magic or computers (like in 80′s flic Weird Science) anywhere! I do quite fancy the idea of owning a rubber fist though. I’d like to bang it on the table like a gavel whenever someone disagreed with me.
That’s my weekend sorted. I’ll make a small saving on the vagina part as I can make that from a few microwaved livers in a coke bottle.
You sir have entered the depths of a rubber vagina and returned with your life. My hero.
http://www.projectjulio.blogspot.com
LMAO! Holy shit…I think I just wee’d a lil.
I’m surprised that there was no mention of a ‘fuck my face doll’…y’know because there’s only so long you can have a “fuck my face doll” lying around your house before you stick your dick in it. The same goes for cats! Here, FLUFFY!
I haven’t learned that much over the past week, just that some vacuum cleaners are more powerful than others.
Never underestimate the attraction of rubber love tunnels… this man wanted one, real bad!
http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=f3a_1251933085
I love how he drops the larger box in favor of a smaller one. He must have picked up the Harney version by mistake
@GG: That man must have been really horny. Imagine the waves of regret sweeping over him right after he came. He realised then that a wank is not really worth going to prison for.
tell me price of cyber skin pussy.
No.
Google, muthafucka..DO YOU USE IT?
It’s like the sex toy for serial killers…kill…slice off arse…ride!