Irishman aims for ‘Failed Television Vehicles’ World Record
Craig Doyle:
‘The truth was that I couldn’t commit to The Saturday Night Show…. I always wanted things to be a little bit edgier, a bit naughtier. The Saturday slot was probably a bit straight for me.’ Daily Mail
Michael Madsen: The Strangest M.M. since Martin Mansergh
Here’s how (click for large gifs) Michael Madsen made his exit from The Saturday Night Show set after he had finished reading his poem.
“Let him go, Ralph. He knows what he’s doing.”
A Warning for Cassin
You think you’ve gotten away with it, don’t you?
Michael Ryan was only let go because he was old. He gave his life to that job only to see you take it away from him. Whose life are you going to ruin next? You think you can waltz in with your youthful complexion and get any job you set your eyes on? You think you can do Michael D. Higgins’s job? You planning to move in and steal his livelihood away too? How many other old men have you terrorised?
You’re nothing but a brazen hussy.
You think you’re better than the programme, don’t you? You think Capital D was the best magazine programme on Irish television, don’t you?
I bet you hate to have to do items relating to rural issues. Think those areas are not worth covering?
Do you hate doing features on disabled people or illiterate farmers? I bet you laugh at them behind their backs. You’re used to doing fancy features on teen skaters and the Dublin Bike Scheme. Country people not cool enough for you? I see the way you introduce those items with a look of disgust on your face.
Just who the hell do you think you are? I know what you’re up to.
Look at you, you odious weasel.
Maybe someone will wipe that smile off your face. Maybe someone will take you down a peg or two.
Watch your step, you scheming bitch.
Michael’s New Look
Source: Evening Herald - A dated picture accompanying an article about an up-to-date picture. For Christ knows what reason.
Michael Bambrick is fond of making journeys into Dublin city centre. And homina homina, he probably won’t be journeying alone in this tasty getup! Down boy!
The centrepiece of Michael’s new look is the roughhewn beard, which is a definite hit and bang on trend. It’s a style of facial hair that says “These grey hairs were earned: I can be vulnerable and affectionate, but don’t get in my way if there’s a tree that needs to be cut down.” When sporting a fierce fuzz like that, it’s hard to see how anyone can go wrong.
Michael has already shown that he’s not afraid to chop up women when the time is right. But neither is he afraid to chop up his wardrobe, as demonstrated by his matching of a delightful black vest with an edgy olive parka and a daring pair of stonewashed jeans from the new selection by Actus Reus Menswear. A hallmark of the London label is that jeans are authentically worn for thirteen years before sale: just long enough for Michael to kill a woman and be in and out in style! Sex monster chic, ooh la la!
Michael’s no stranger to loud, piercing screams. And it’s just as well, because this daring ensemble is sure to fetch numerous screams of delight on the public thoroughfare!
Michael’s attitude? TAKE ME OR LEAVE ME!
Helena Antonia
This has to be the most important article on Wikipedia:
I can see myself returning to it again and again over the next thirty years.
Opeinyuns: I Haz Em
“No… I’m fake lips, nails, hair extensions and a plastic arse as well.”
Boxchild Day
All eyes were on Tuam in Co. Galway today as Irish Travellers celebrated Boxchild Day.
The annual festival, taking place on the last Thursday of February, centres around a ritual believed by Irish Travellers to determine the tone of their behaviour over the Spring and Summer months.
The ritual involves releasing a Traveller child from a huge cardboard box in view of the festival officials.
According to folklore, if the child attempts to fight his own shadow, several months of misbehaviour, including street brawls, breaking chairs over publicans’ heads, hitting ponies with big sticks, drastically reducing the value of land, bareknuckle fighting and eleven year old girls wearing thongs and asking male passers-by of all ages if they would like a blowjob, lay ahead.
On the other hand, if the child smiles at his shadow, then a period of relative peace among the Irish Traveller community is predicted to last until Autumn. This period may contain such activities as: drinking in moderation, measured appeals on current affairs programs that Irish travellers be officially recognised as an ethnic group, friendly and legitimate lawnmower sales to people in rural areas, community clean-up drives, being honest, loveable rogues on reality television programmes and the formation of focus groups to spearhead nationwide celebrations of Irish Traveller language and culture.
The guest of honour at this year’s ceremony, Shite in the Bucket O’Donnell, announcing the official result as a likely year of good behaviour, claimed that the thrill of seeing members of the Traveller and Settled communities come together for one day every year was far more satisfying than tearing his vest off in a rage and pummeling a man’s face into a bloody mush.
