Big Mental Disease

Your man on the news was talking about the Cheltenham Festival and he said that the bookies are cleaning up over there. I get quite angry when I hear this type of thing; why aren’t the organisers of the festival making sure that these cleaning jobs are spread around a bit?

There are thousands of unemployed cleaners ready and willing to work, but what chance do they have, when all available jobs are handed out by corporations to their mates, as a perk, so they can earn some extra money on the side? These organisers are able to save a lot of money by letting the bookmakers do the cleaning, instead of bringing someone in externally. They’ve it all sewn up between them.

Fucking disgrace, if you ask me.

Caribou has a new album coming out in April, called Swim.

Just watched the news there, and they were doing bits on all the Mickey Mouse Saint Patrick’s Day parades around the country. The parade in Durrow, County Laois has cruised into first place in the tasteless Paddy league table. In amongst the wild horses and bewildered old people in wheelchairs being pushed down the street against their will, they had some very strange floats indeed.

The most surreal thing for me was seeing the float containing your man portraying Tiger Woods. He was blacked-up, and dragging a ball and chain behind him. At first I thought they might be making some philosophical point about slavery, but no, it’s just a painfully lame joke about Tiger’s relationship with his wife.

Stay classy, Ireland.

[EDIT - There was a second Tiger Woods character in this parade, but I can't quite tell from the fleeting glimpse whether this was an actual black person, or another man in makeup. Post edited to clarify this.]

“It’s not council policy to deal with alleged paranormal activities”

“Laura strongly rejects any suggestion her claims are all part of an elaborate scam so as the council will transfer her to another home and is more than willing to take a lie detector to back up her story.”

Here’s the new video from the legendary Stephen Jones AKA Babybird, directed by the Deppster. It is inspired by the brilliant 1890 short story, An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge by Ambrose Bierce.

The Sun has completed a very informative, scientific study of the world’s sex habits. Look at this picture. I love how I had to take a screenshot to get it, because of the copyright protection of News Group Newspapers Ltd and/or its licensors. I can see why they’re so protective; it’s a map of the world with some breasts pasted onto it. Such a special picture is surely going to make Rupert Murdoch millions more.

Marvellous. Britain has the biggest boobs, apparently. Why then is there a picture of two enormous fake tits hovering over Britain? Biggest or fakest, which is it? Brazil has the longest romps, while Japan has the record for biggest orgies. In the world of the Sun, people from Brazil and Japan look exactly the same as people from Grimsby.

Here, Rhian Sanville takes a flick through the global sex atlas and picks out some of the hottest facts ever.

Okay, this should be fun.

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Poor, from the Times of London.

And another typo:

That’s how you pronounce Ryan’s name in dog-speak.